Pure-O OCD

By rose-b on Tue, 02-21-12, 20:04

Posted in Group:

I just discovered this morning through online research that I have Pure-O OCD. I've known for years that I had some form of OCD, but my symptoms just didn't seem to match up to what I considered traditional OCD. Having been going through an unusually high number of "mental resets" lately due to stress, and feeling another one setting in, I decided that I was really fed up with all of this and wanted to find out just what was wrong and if anyone else had the same problem with wanting to essentially reset their lives every few days, even multiple times in a single day.

Now that I at least have a name to my problem and recognize that it is a form of OCD, a treatable psychological disorder, I feel that some of its power has been taken away. However, I'm just not sure where to go from here. I still have the urge to reset, as well as a number of other obsessions and compulsions. The majority of my rituals are mental rather than physical, and while I recognize many of them, I may not be seeing them all. I cannot afford to see a therapist of any type, and there are no support groups in my area for patients with OCD.

My husband referred me to this site, so I do hope that I can gain support and understanding. I could really use some guidance in what my next step should be now that I know what I have. I realize that self-diagnosis can often be dangerous, but as I stated, I knew for years that I had something like this, and what I've read in my research matches me to a tee. I appreciate you taking the time to read this and look forward to your feedback. Thank you.

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By Trickm on Wed, 02-22-12, 08:55

Hi Rose-b!

I have pure-o ocd too, and took a while for me to notice that wasn't depression or other things that i used to have. It's somehow more difficult, cause even though you can stop some specific behavior, the thoughts keeps pulling in.

Well, once you discover that is ocd, and that you're not going crazy or something, things gets better, since you can "see" the distorted thought from the outside....And about the therapy issue, i've got that as well, since I can't afford therapy (CBT specifically, that's quite expensive here in Brazil). But you should checkout for free therapy (or cheaper) nearby, maybe in some college or anything like that.

And you should consider medication too. Antidepressants usually causes at leat a partial response, you won't be so anxious or repreat the thoughts so often. Actually, that's an advice that I should take myself, since i'm stalling for weeks going to a psychiatrist(it's because my insurance sucks, lol) , however, that's necessesary, at least for a while.

And be positiv about it, the most important thing you just did, that is discovering what these thoughts are all about, and hat will by itself improve the obsessions, once you know that's a distorted thought. I may take some time, but don't worry, things will eventually improve.

I can say for myself, I was very down, thinking about suicide, and with my obsessions disrupting my studies and my relationship, and I can control things better now, althought I still have a lot of things to improve.

Wish you luck!!!

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By rose-b on Thu, 02-23-12, 10:16

Thank you for the response, Trickm. It is better knowing that all of my thoughts and my "resetting" all the time wasn't just something that I hadn't tried improving, that it was something I need help fixing. In a way, it's good to know that the problem is real and that there are cures.

I've been having a lot of trouble dealing with things lately, between being physically ill with a sinus infection and coming to terms with having OCD, plus all of the usual stressors. I had a nervous breakdown this morning before work and had to call out. And just last night, I had a dream that I had one at work.

But on a positive note, I was able to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist in the area. Come to find, as long as my insurance covers what they're supposed to, I just have to pay a regular $20 co-pay. So we'll see how that goes. It is still helpful having this site to fall back on, though, and I hope that I receive other supporters and perhaps over time, once I better myself, I could begin supporting others on here as well.

As far as antidepressants, I haven't found one yet that does me any good. So far, I've tried about five different ones over the past ten years. Each one caused me to gain weight (I'm already considered dangerously obese) and they made my anxiety or depression worse. What I feel I really need is cognitive therapy, though some of it I'm sure is linked to chemical and hormonal imbalances.

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By Trickm on Thu, 02-23-12, 11:50

Yeah, knowing that's not our fault relieves the burden...my obsessions are towards relationships and cheating, I have horrible mental images...but when I started to realize that these thoughts were nonsense obsessions, my behavior improved very much, so I stopped checking for reassurance with my girlfriend. And lately the obessive thoughts improved as well, even without therapy.

I have a prettry bad experience with antidepressants too. I tried three already, the second one (Sertraline) gave me serious side effetcs (diarrhea, insomnia, and even anorgasmia) and the last one (Paroxetine) I took for 6 months, and didn't seemed to improve my condition, either with mood or ocd, and sometimes it seemed to trigger anxiety and mixed episodes, what left me very concerned. I'm trying to push myself to the psychiatrist again, because I've got no access to therapy, nowadays,
But I understand your feelings about medication...

actually I think therapy is always the best option, but I'm having difficulties to find it here, specially cbt, that is expensive....but I'm trying at my college, so I hope to get an appointment this year...

meanwhile maybe I should have some physical activity, since it seems to improve anxiety and ocd by itself, I guess!

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By rose-b on Thu, 02-23-12, 13:57

The most disruptive part of my OCD is the constant resets. Sometimes I'll go for months without one, other times I'll have several resets in a single day. It makes me hesitant to start anything because I feel like I'll just start over again and lose all of the work I put into things. A lot of times I have certain things I do before a reset, like cleaning up files on a computer and deleting the history on my browser. I clean the house, especially my room, and try to make the house free of trash. I think of significant events and such that would give me reason to reset. But I don't do all of these things every time I reset.

I also have a fascination with numbers. For example, I prefer to do things at certain times, like on the hour or half hour. I do things in twos, fives, or tens. I love things to be symmetrical and perfectly distributed. If they're not, I sometimes get anxious, even though I don't know why. And I prefer to do things in certain orders. For example, if I'm playing a video game series, I insist on starting with the first game of the series. And sometimes I'll play games I don't really like so that I can work my way to the ones I really want to play.

At the same time, I don't know if this goes with the OCD, but I often like to do the same thing for hours, sometimes all day. In fact, I find it difficult to change activities and thoughts. I get stuck in ruts easily. Over time, it makes me really depressed, but for some reason, I find comfort in doing the same things all the time. I feel like I lead a really boring life, and although I have a great variety of interests, I tend to get stuck on one for way too long.

I just don't know what to do to stop the cycle. I can tell myself now that it's all my OCD. But I've never had a very strong will, especially when it came to changing things about me. And especially when the progress is slow. Maybe that's why I try to reset, so that the change is sudden and all at once. For now, I'm going to try to stick to simple activities that I can finish quickly, and not get caught up in any big projects. I'm a little resistant to do much until my therapy session. At that point, I'm hoping to get a few techniques I can use to better recognize the OCD and fight it.

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By bcbahopeful on Sat, 03-10-12, 10:00

Roseb,

Thank you for sharing. I just looked it up and it still doesn't seem to fit me. I'm a thinker, but I jump from subject to subject, issue to issue, and can often think about 10 different things at the same time. I don't obsess about one thing. I don't think I have compulsions. I do avoid certain people and situations if I've had an uncomfortable situation with them. For instance I had a run-in with a Sgt at the PD I work at. Although he says we are cool I don't feel we are and due to embarrassment I will avoid him at all costs. The situation has played over in my head probably 20 times (if not more) since Thursday. And, the search continues.

Best of luck to you. I pray that you will find a way to afford the resources that you need. It's amazing, we in the US spend trillions of dollars on crap we don't need and let the needy (in any capacity) fall to the wayside. What a sad situation.

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By Laurie 0716 on Mon, 03-12-12, 17:58

I suffer from pure O also. My thoughts revolve around harming my 7 year old son. Anybody else have violent thoughts? Anyway medication annafranil seems to help a little. Also, on an anti-anxiety medication. Been reading alot on OCD and have found the book Brain Lock by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz quite helpful. When I have the thoughts I just accept them and wait for them to pass which can be rather distressful in itself. Then I do something toldly different like scrub the sink. I'm presently seeing a shrink who told me about mindful meditation and that seems to help also. Exposure therapy with my type of OCD is rather disturbing so, I haven't dealft into it to much. Would love to hear from others who have this type of OCD what they have found to be helpful. Lastly, I just keep reminding myself that I have a chemical imbalance of the brain and I have OCD I'm not the OCD. Thanks all for posting.

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