OCPD???

By KRB87 on Fri, 02-24-12, 21:27

Posted in Group:

I need help.I am a perfectionist and honestly, it kills me. Everyone "admires" me for my grades and up until today I have kept a 4.0 in my second bachelors degree. I received a 71% on a small exam. I have never gotten below an A on an exam in this program, and the 71% is due to a stupid mistake on my part. I started crying and couldn't stand myself. I feel like an idiot, and I always fear that If I am not the "best" or don't do well, people will think I am incompetent. I know this is a problem; however, I am finding it hard to break my habits.
I study extremely hard, and sometimes do not leave the house for 4 days at a time. I thought that I was doing better as I believed that I didn't care as much about my grades until this event. I was confident that I would be able to separate my self-worth from my grades but I have failed. I am scared to get less than a 4.0 because every time my name is in the paper, my parents say, "wow a 4.0! That is great". My boyfriends parents say the same thing. I feel like I am living in a prison where everyone "admires" me for my dedication and sacrifice but I am miserable. It seems like it would be easy to turn it off, but I cant.
I don't think I have OCD, but maybe OCPD. I just need to talk to someone I guess.

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0 Support

By marcie on Sat, 02-25-12, 18:43

It is wonderful what you have accomplished. Do not forget that you are human, try to balance your life. I know how it is, you strive for that goal and have no time to think about things around you, like nature, events, family, friends, etc. You are doing your best, and sometimes it is good to have different result, it makes you to reflect and see different side of the spectrum.Whatever, people consider as a failure, in reality is gaining a wisdom, because during this time, people will come up with a brilliant ideas, therefore do not be hard on yourself, take it easy, enjoy every day and be happy. God bless you.

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By KRB87 on Sat, 02-25-12, 19:15

Thank you so much for the support. I've talked to a few classmates today and found out that they also did not do very well. I need to make time in my life for friends and family even though I may be more comfortable with working 24/7. Thank you again!

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