DO I HAVE OCD?

Hello,

I want to know If could have a case for HOCD/OCD
please tell me if it is normal go through this for someone with HOCD

my HOCD started in January. Before that, I NEVER QUESTIONED my sexuality. I knew I was straight. I had been into guys and just attracted to them ever since I can remember.
I was not a homophobe either because I thought that everyone should have equal rights. Point is, I never thought about my sexuality. It was like out of the question.
I have always loved sexual experiences i had with guys ( i am a girl ) and have always been always attracted to them

for years now, I have had what I think obsessive tendencies. for example, I would have to repeat prayers over and over again until I get every word right. many more examples like that

also, if someone says something to me, it would get stuck in my head ( I went through a a whole period of thinking Im ugly and a nerd because someone told me " I am the type of person that looks like I would have asthma". I became obsessed with that one comment and just overanalyzed it . Anyhow that eventually decreased ( but like if I would hear the word Asthma, i would like get this wierd uncomfortable feeling inside that would remind me of that)..other obsessive rituals I had in regards to religion and repeating things until they are just rights
I even thought about the fact that I have some OCD or just "plain O' traits but I never really got help for it..anyway moving on

NOTHING GAVE ME ANXIETY OR STUCK IN MY HEAD LIKE WHEN THIS HOCD STARTED ABOUT A MONTH AGO

I was talking to this guy that I like and had liked for some time .
He made a joke about me being bi (like how guys joke about bisexual girls being hott sometimes)
When I reason it out I know he was just making a sexual joke, harmless

but then later on I started to think about it and this is the general theme my brain followed.. " Omg, he called me bi...what if he thinks I am bi or gay, then i thought a bunch of things i cant even really remember and more that got me to thinking..."omg how does one every really know they are gay".."omg what if I am gay" (so inthat moment not only had i gmyself otten scared he somehow might think i am bi/gay (even though said it out of a joke) i had somehow started to freak myself out about my own sexuality

before this obsession of mine started
i knew i was straight. never thought about it

and now after the onset. at one point i freaked out when one of my friends just slightly patted my back.. before i used to give girls hugs all the time.. .without ever thinking about it...and now its like when she patted me on the back i freaked out and then i started thinking disturbing thoughts like omg did i get turned on "

why I took it so seriously and started completely obsessing over it when that guy said it to me.. maybe could be derived from the fact that I had an obsession with him? or maybe just that i overanalyzed it and started obsessing over it I have no idea

but the point is after that i just started thinking and experienced EXTREME anxiety for the next couple of days..like i had thoughts like "how can this be happening to me" "If im thinking about it, then I must be gay because straight people never think about it..and I NEVER thought about it ..until now..randomnly ..so for the next couple of days EXTREME anxiety took over. i stopped paying attention in class. I expressed physiological symptoms of anxiety ..i started thinking worst case scenarios like..."omg what if from now on i can never be happy".. i started imagining things like me having a life with another girl like a girlfriend in the future and that brought meEXTREME LEVELS of anxiety..other worst case scenarious "omg what im never happy with another guy again and live my life as a lesbian".....I started to just examine every single girl trying to figure out if im getting turned on .... getting extremely freaked out ....if i thought someone was pretty..id automatically associate it with being a lesbian... i was just so confused and anxious and took all sorts of tests to make sure wether I am gay or not and googled things like "is it normal for straight people to think they are gay" and "how do you know if you are gay" and "at what age do people realize they are gay"

And then one day online i found that article on HOCD.."im gay, but youre not" and OMG did it help me! after reading it, I could relate so much
Buti realized later it was just temporary relief..the thinking did not stop..to the point where I started not wanting to watch my regular tv shows because i had a fear that i would be attracted to the girls on it ...and it would just trigger things..i started imagining disturbing sexual things that brought me so much anxiety and disgusted me and i am freaked out right now just writing about it .. and even just hearing or looking at the word "gay" made me soo anxioux.
the one thing from the "im gay, but youre straight" that i read was the example of HOCD folks looking at a ear piercing and freaking out..well almost an identical thing happened where i looked at my TA and automatically started to wonder if shes gay/straight (which also made me sad and stressed because i thought things like "omg i never ever used to wonder about anyones sexuality before this weird obsession of mine started and now i examine everyone...i just want to go back to the old me that never thought about it " TA had a nose ring.. i was somehow convinced for a little bit that she might be a lesbian and all sorts of disturbing thoughts popped up in my head like "omg what if i like her....i wonder what i would do if she made a move on me..would I like it would I make a move back OMG" and then i started to panic freak out." i got SOO freaked out and to be honest i am freaked out right now just thinking about these thoughts and how i could be thinking them even thought I KNOW they are IRRATIONAL! later on i realized that was prolly just my irrationality and she probably is straight

so i started all sorts of disturbing thinking like that..my mind is a constant battle
no matter how much proof i get,i turn that proof into a thought process where i have once again turned it into questioning my sexuality
at times i get so sad about giving up guys...point is i think about it EVERYDAY multile times, but i just want it to go back to the old me that just NEVER thought about it.

and in an article it said dont read too many blogs, they will get stuck in your head. I can relate. I noticed that i get sometimes even more anxious by reading blogs because no matter how much they reassure me i have HOCD...i always just overanalyze it and turn it into a fear or think of it in a way where now once again i am anxious about my sexuality.
For example, one thing that really reassured me was if you are obsessing about being homosexual ---that means your actually hetero..and vice versa..and i thought since im obsessing abotu being homo/bi that ultimately means I am straight no matter what. Also, it said if you are avoiding tv shows because they trigger anxiety and you start thinking about attraction towards same sex..then that is something HOCD does (which is something that i do ) so those kinda of things temorarily relieve me

HERE IS WHERE I OVERANALYZE EVERYTHING THOUGH .
example, i read that the big difference between HOCD and closeted homos is that. HOCD fears they are gay themselves. homosexuals know they are gay they just fear the social stigma around it
..after reading it, i was temp. relieved because i was like phew. it is def my own fear of being gay..but then my brain battles it with thoughts like "omg...what if I somehow am scared of the social stigma....then that would mean im gay..and i get nervous"

what helps me when i get that thought is "I am fearing the fact that It might be a social stigma thing because if that were true id be gay.therefore in the end that would make me gay which gives me a lot of anxiety , hence in the end,-fear of being gay is something that HOCD people do.) (does that make sense)

also, i start to wonder that the people around me know what im going through..which makes me think OMG I AM SCARED OF THE SOCIAL STIGMA OF BEING GAY . which is one thing the articles say that is something that gay people do. and then i get all freaked out..cuz i think i might be gay ( I HAVE TO REASSURE MYSELF BEING GAY IS GIVING ME ANXIETY--thereofre. HOCD)

all i know is before this onset in january, i never once in my life thought i was gay.. ..i never ONCE questioned my sexuality i just knew it was straight. the end. i knew the feeling that guys i like gave me. and how much i loved it...i loved all of the sexual experiences that I had with guys..I always only fantasized about guys...
and after my onset..i just started freaking out ..even fearing the fact that i might start fantasizing about girls..which would mean im gay..during the first couple of days..i was afraid to go to sleep incase I had a "lesbian dream" because I knew that in the morning i would wake up soooo freaked out from it

Now it even bothers me that i have to assure myself of the things about guys i said above ^^^ because part of me thinks...'dont only closeted gay people need to worry about their sexuality and are in denial?" and "what about people who just do not realize they are gay until later?" i get soo freaked out thinking about that stuff (( ultimately i know that is my HOCD just freaking me out more but i cant help it)

but i know for a fact i felt those things about guys in the past before this obsession in january... and i never once questioned my sexuality before this onset and now it has taken over my mind.

I guess i just wanna ask you..do you think I have HOCD?? ( I am even scared of asking people this ..because i am scared to overanalyze the response)
THIS IS HOW MUCH it has HAS TAKEN OVER MY LIFE
also other feaful thoughts like what if all HOCD people are actually just gay and they jut dont know it...that would mean Im gay

i have also tried to think stuff like i dont care which gives me more anxiety because then i am being ok with being gay which gives me stress ..( i realize that is also the HOCD kicking..cuz ultimately me being ok with being gay is causing me anxiety...which is HOCD )

.CAN SOMEONE TELL ME IF THE STUFF IM FEELING IS TYPICAL OF HOCD PEOPLE
I am 22
COULD I HAVE A CASE OF HOCD